Bride for Keeps
Big Sky Brides #2
[Carter McArthur & Sierra Shuller-McArthur]
They all said it wouldn’t last….
Sierra McArthur never could have imagined they were right, but ever since her husband’s world was rocked by a family secret, it’s clear that their happily ever after isn’t to be. But one last night of passion with her husband creates a lasting consequence neither of them planned on….
Or is it?
Carter McArthur doesn’t want a divorce. But he doesn’t know how to fix all the mistakes he’s made in the wake of his family’s betrayal. But when a surprise pregnancy gives them one last chance at forever, Carter is determined to make her understand, she’s not his bride by accident. She’s his bride for keeps.
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Prologue
Fall, 2015
Dr. Carter McArthur had spent thirty-one years on this planet knowing exactly who and what he was and what he was meant for. The McArthurs of Marietta, Montana, were upstanding, dedicated, brilliant medical professionals. As the eldest of the three children of Dr. Gerald McArthur, he’d been born and bred to be a doctor in his own right, and he was someone no one could find fault with.
For most of his life, he’d done everything his parents had asked of him. He’d excelled in school, become a doctor, even turned down an opportunity to join Doctors without Borders despite the fact that had always been his dream. Because the most important dream, always, was being a respected, dutiful McArthur.
In his entire life, he’d only disobeyed his parents once, and that had been when he’d fallen in love with Sierra Shuller. Wild, impetuous, tattooed Sierra had stolen his heart at a New Year’s Eve party not even a year ago. They’d been engaged within three months, married two months after that.
Marriage wasn’t exactly easy, not when his mother couldn’t seem to help herself from criticizing Sierra’s every move, but Carter loved Sierra. And Sierra loved him. That was all that mattered. Almost six months they’d been married now, and Carter had never been happier.
But, sitting in his father’s office, both his parents staring gravely down at him, Carter had a very bad feeling something was coming that would change everything.
“You’ve had some time to come to terms with my diagnosis,” Dad said not showing an ounce of emotion.
Carter had always admired that about his father. The way he could shut out anything that didn’t suit him. Carter tried to emulate it, but there were some ways he’d just never live up to his father’s image.
“There’s nothing to come to terms with. MS is incredibly treatable. I don’t have to tell you that.”
“Yes. I have a particularly aggressive form, but you’re right. There are a wide variety of treatments available, though I may end up having to step down from the hospital.”
“In the future,” Carter corrected. “Not yet. You don’t want to make any rash decisions.” Something his father had said to him on more than one occasion. McArthurs didn’t do rash decisions, and while his father’s MS diagnosis and his keeping it a secret the past few weeks was certainly a surprise, it was hardly worth this kind of cloak and dagger theatrics. The not telling Mom at the beginning had been ridiculous, but Dad had finally acknowledged his diagnosis, at least to him and Mom.
Now, hopefully, that meant moving forward and telling the rest of the family. Carter knew Dad hated to appear weak, and Carter supposed some might consider this condition a weakness. Still, Dad had to approach it like McArthurs approached all of their problems. Calmly. Methodically. He was a doctor after all. Shouldn’t he be more clear-headed about the whole thing?
“No, we won’t be making any rash decisions,” Dad said, his mouth curving just a fraction, as if he was almost amused by his own advice being given to him. “But in the light of this diagnosis and the genetic implications, especially if you and…” Dad grimaced. “If you and your wife decide to have children…”
Carter adopted the same cool, detached expression his father had started this conversation with. “Sierra and I will start a family soon, I’m sure.” They’d talked about it, though he’d suggested to Sierra she find some kind of direction for her life before they started trying. Perhaps it was cruel of him to think of his mother this way, but he didn’t want Sierra to end up like her, caring only about the McArthur name and how the town viewed them and having nothing of her own.
He doubted Sierra could ever be like that. She wasn’t big on caring about appearances, but he wanted to ensure she had her own avenues of passion before they started a family. As much as he cared about his family and their approval, as much as he respected his father as a doctor, Carter wanted something…different for the family he would start. More…warmth.
Sierra was warmth personified. It was what had drawn Carter to her despite all the ways he’d known his family would deem her unsuitable. Carter had no doubts she’d be a great mother. Maybe he’d been hasty to think she needed some kind of individual direction before starting a family. She was independent and strong and—
“Biologically speaking, I’m not your father.”
Carter felt like his brain flatlined for a moment before coming back too quick, too rushed. He stared at his father. “What… What did you say?”
“When your mother and I were engaged, she had an affair. You are the result of that affair.”
“Wh…” He looked at his mother, but she stood there looking as placid and regal as ever. “I…”
“Now, of course this is a bit of a shock, but there have been quite a few secrets in this family lately.”
“It started with your relationship with Sierra,” Mom muttered.
He had kept that a secret, announcing they were engaged before his parents had a chance to manipulate things. But… “I think my parentage predates Sierra,” he managed, feeling…untethered. Like he was floating above this whole thing unfolding before him. They couldn’t mean he wasn’t…
“Yes, well. Secrets are tearing us apart. Your brother is home thanks to Jess. We’re all together as I determine what this MS diagnosis means for us as a family. It seemed important to be clear and honest.”
Clear and honest. “But I…” His whole life he’d been a McArthur. The oldest McArthur.
“Your biological father is aware of the situation,” Dad continued as if this was just new news, not a life-altering change to his whole perception of the world. “At this point, he has a family of his own, and we all think it would be best if we go on as we always have.”
“So why… Why did you tell me?” Not a McArthur, when he’d only ever tried to be exactly that.
“Secrets. We’re done with secrets. You’re married now. A new generation of McArthurs is no doubt going to start. We need to make sure this next generation is raised on as strong a footing as you and your sister were. The truth is an important foundation.”
Which didn’t make any sense at all, since his foundation was now gone. Everything he’d believed about himself. Everything he’d been told for thirty years. Not a McArthur. Not made in his father’s image.
The product of an affair. The son of a man who wanted to go on as things were, never knowing one another. “Why did you… Why would you… You got married anyway. You raised me as yours.”
“Can you imagine the embarrassment?” Dad replied, as if shocked Carter might suggest any other outcome. “Especially at the time. The stain it would have put on our name. Unacceptable. Besides, your mother made her choice. She wanted to marry me despite her indiscretion.”
Carter felt sick and like he couldn’t breathe. It was bad enough it didn’t make any sense, that it changed his entire life, but the detached, businesslike way his father spoke about it all…
Carter didn’t know how to wrap his head around it. He didn’t know how to accept it.
“That’s why I’m counting on you not to tell anyone until I can make a formal announcement to the whole family. We’ll have a meeting to announce it in a few days and discuss how we’ll move forward as a family. As much as we want to be honest with each other, this is information best kept in the family. No one need know beyond us. And I don’t want you telling your wife until the meeting. I don’t want you telling her at all, but I suppose I can’t ask that of you.”
“You suppose,” Carter echoed. He felt like he had cotton in his ears and lead in his lungs.
“We’ll meet Wednesday at one, if you and Sierra are available?”
“Available.” Like it was a business meeting. The announcement of Dad’s MS diagnosis and the fact Carter wasn’t a McArthur.
“Carter, this doesn’t change anything. Regardless of blood, you are a representative of the McArthur name. I’m counting on you to keep this secret, and to behave as you always have. And to keep your wife in line. We as McArthurs are done with secrets, but that doesn’t mean anyone in Marietta needs to know. Sierra must keep this information to herself or I will hold you personally responsible.”
Sierra. In line. Yeah, that’d go over well. If he even uttered that phrase, his wife would go on a tear to end all tears. One that would likely end in all of Montana knowing the truth.
Dad was right though. No matter how much Carter was reeling, how hard this was to understand, he couldn’t tell her before their family meeting. She’d never keep it to herself.
Why would that be so horrible?
Carter looked up at the man who’d raised him, who’d claimed to be his father for thirty-one years. Who had impressed upon him how important it was to be a McArthur.
But he wasn’t. Everything he thought he was…he wasn’t.
***
“What is this meeting about?” Sierra asked irritably. She hated going to the McArthur house. It was big and cold and she had always known she wasn’t welcome. But she went because she loved her husband and maybe, deep down, she harbored some stupid hope they’d eventually get used to the fact she and Carter were married and nothing would change that.
“Announcements, Sierra. I’ve told you.”
Sierra scowled at her husband. He’d been distant and grumpy for days, maybe weeks, and she thought she could handle it. Carter’s brother was back after something like a decade-long absence and that would send the McArthurs into a tizzy. Whenever they were in a tizzy, Carter was… Well, he didn’t like to bring her into it because her opinion of his family wasn’t exactly high.
It wasn’t a great way to start a marriage—his family hating her, her hating his family—but she loved him. That was more important than McArthur family crap.
So, if that was all it was, she would have given him his space to be distant and weird. But when he started to sound like his father, a cold chill spread through her. When it didn’t let up, and he was instead snippy and quiet and… Oh, she hated this.
She sat in the passenger seat of Carter’s car and folded her arms over her chest. “I don’t know why I couldn’t skip it. Your parents do not consider me one of your family.”
“You’re a McArthur, Sierra, no matter anyone’s feelings on the subject. I need you there. Please…” He let out a heavy sigh. It was possibly the first display of emotion from him that wasn’t all edge and silence. This was something else. Heavy. He always took on too much.
It was strange that so much of what she loved about him—his decency, the uptight way he held himself, and all the things he took on his shoulders—were also some of the most frustrating things about him. She admired him, but sometimes she wished he’d be…mortal. Balanced. Have a flaw or two so she didn’t feel like such a giant flaw compared to him.
Or maybe she just wished he’d let her in.
She unfolded her arms and reached across the console between them, sliding her hand against the back of his neck and stroking her fingers through his hair. “Babe. What is eating you up?”
He was silent, beautiful blue eyes focused on the road, jaw tensed tight. She’d never seen him quite like this, and it poked at every fear she’d ever had. Because when she’d agreed to marry Carter, she’d been certain he’d tell his family to butt out and that would be that. She’d been convinced love would fix everything. When that hadn’t been the case, she’d convinced herself once they were married the McArthurs would have to treat her with some kindness or respect.
She’d been an idiot, clearly, and now she lived in a horrible kind of fear that eventually his mother or father would say the right combination of words to convince him he’d been wrong. He—in all his perfect, McArthur glory—didn’t actually love the whirlwind of a disaster she was.
She’d confessed that to Jess the other day. Much like her, Jess was a sort of honorary McArthur—a nurse who often helped Dr. McArthur. While the family didn’t treat her badly, they didn’t include her either. So Sierra had become friends with Jess, because Jess didn’t treat her like dirt.
Jess had told her to tell Carter her fears about his distance, and Sierra had rejected that advice. Tell him she was insecure and afraid? When he was always so sure and good and right? That would ensure his family convinced him she wasn’t good enough.
Besides, she usually threw a little fit, and he’d come after her trying to make things right. It was the pattern of their relationship. Sierra didn’t know that it was the best pattern, but it was always how they’d worked.
Until a few weeks ago. She’d thrown she didn’t know how many fits lately, and Carter had simply let her. What had broken in their pattern? She didn’t understand and she didn’t know how to fix it.
She watched him now, silent despite her question, tight-lipped and serious, and she knew she was absolutely right when she’d rejected Jess’s advice. She had to act like everything was fine. The same as they always were. It was the only way to ensure things were fine and would stay that way.
Carter parked the car in front of his parents’ house and then he got out without a word. He didn’t even wait for her before he was striding toward the house.
She stared at him for a few seconds, mouth dropped. He reached for the door, not once looking back at her. She had never seen him act this way. It was disorienting and downright scary.
She was tempted to stay where she was. His family treated her like garbage. Why would she voluntarily walk inside, especially when he didn’t even seem to care whether she followed him or not?
But finally, finally Carter glanced back, then raised an eyebrow at her. An are you coming? impatient look.
It infuriated her, but worse, it scared her. They’d only been married a few months, maybe he was realizing the error of his ways. Maybe this was the punishment for not living up to the fake image he’d created of her in his mind, for not winning over his cold parents. Slow torture by McArthur insults.
Blinking back tears, she got out of the car and crossed the yard to him. She wished she knew what to do. How to make sure he didn’t change his mind.
But all she knew to do was follow him inside, feeling scraped raw and scared.
He led her to the library where Dr. and Mrs. McArthur were sitting on the couch. Chairs had been arranged in front of the couch. Lina, Carter’s little sister, was sitting on one of them. Jess on the other. Carter slid into the seat next to Lina.
Childishly, Sierra didn’t want to sit next to him, but what choice did she have? She didn’t want his mother sensing discord, that was for sure. If she was going to weather whatever this was, it had to be without Mrs. McArthur pouncing on a weakness.
No one exchanged any real greetings, just nods. After a few horrible silent moments, Dr. McArthur asked Lina something about med school, which got some boring medical conversation going.
But Carter didn’t speak or add to the discussion in any way like he usually did. He only stared at his hands. He hadn’t been sleeping. Sierra questioned whether he’d been eating. What could be the cause of this? Something awful. So awful he wouldn’t tell her. Or worse, couldn’t trust her with it.
Lina looked grave as well, but not like Carter. Not like the weight of the world was on her shoulders.
So, it couldn’t be that bad, could it? It was just Carter taking too much on his shoulders. Par for the course. She’d finally figure out what was bothering him and this horrible dread would go away. It would be something small and silly and he’d apologize for blowing it out of proportion once it was dealt with.
A little hush of silence fell and Sierra glanced at the doorway. Cole stood there. She only recognized him because they’d run into him on the street last week. She’d known of the McArthur’s prodigal son who’d run away to be a rodeo star almost a decade ago, but that day on the street had been the first time she’d really met him.
Carter had been rude to Cole, and her, so she’d flounced off, not bothering to find out about the brother Carter never spoke of.
Sierra sighed heavily. Her flouncing wasn’t even enjoyable anymore, but she didn’t know how else to get Carter’s attention when he was mired in McArthur-land. Usually a good fit got his attention, pulled him out of all he kept himself caught up in. That’s the way things worked for them.
Except it wasn’t working these days, was it?
Cole took the empty seat and all eyes turned to Dr. McArthur.
“Thank you all for coming,” he announced, always the leader. Always in charge. Sierra wished she could admire it the way Carter did, but mostly she thought Dr. McArthur acted more like a king than a father.
She’d give her marriage into the McArthur family one thing: it had certainly allowed her a new clarity on her own parents and family not being nearly so bad as her teenage self had thought they were. Her father didn’t dictate things the way Dr. McArthur did, and her mother most definitely didn’t sit in judgment of everything like Mrs. McArthur did.
“Some things have been going on with the family in the past few months, and your mother and I are forced to realize we’ve mishandled them. Keeping my MS diagnosis a secret caused more problems than I could have ever imagined it would, and that will end now. For those of you who don’t know, I’ve told your mother about my MS diagnosis and apologized for keeping it from her. We’ve decided to move forward as a family unit. Fighting this disease…together.” Dad’s gaze turned to Cole. “As long as we’re all in agreement?”
It was a question directed at everyone, but Dr. McArthur stared mostly at Cole, the son who’d left ten years ago and was only back for a visit orchestrated by Jess.
Cole nodded.
MS diagnosis. MS. Sierra didn’t even know what MS was exactly. A disease of some kind. Was it serious?
But then her thoughts turned to the fact Dr. McArthur made it sound like everyone had known about it. But no one had told her. Anything. She was the one sitting here confused and in the dark.
She looked at her husband, who didn’t even have the decency to look apologetic or explain why she was the one who didn’t have a damn clue what was going on.
But apparently Dr. McArthur wasn’t done.
“We also decided that since some of the family knew and some didn’t, that we would inform everyone of one last thing. Secrets don’t make us strong, and we always want the McArthur name to be strong.” Dr. McArthur looked at Carter so Sierra did again too.
He was still staring at his hands. He didn’t nod or acknowledge his father, but the man continued anyway.
“After the diagnosis, after Carter was informed of it, I felt it necessary to also let Carter know that he was not my biological child.”
Sierra couldn’t make sense of that. She choked back a laugh, because surely this was a dream or a joke or…something.
“What?” Cole croaked, interrupting whatever Dr. McArthur had continued to say. “What?”
Dr. McArthur took a deep breath, cool and calm eyes falling on Cole. “Carter is not biologically mine.”
Sierra stared at her husband, eyes wide and mouth open, and he didn’t even look at her. He just kept staring at his hands.
Because he knew. Oh God, he’d been informed. He’d known these things and that’s why he’d been withdrawn and… He hadn’t told her why. He’d let her think she was the problem. That was the source of his irritation.
He’d known all these things and very, very purposefully kept her in the dark. Separate. Less.
“Your mother and I have spent the past few days discussing the changes we’d like to make in this family. Things have been tense. Secrets have bred that tension. As my disease progresses, it will be important for us to work together to preserve the McArthur name.”
Sierra stared at her in-laws, who’d always made it clear they disapproved of her. She’d never seen them act anything but cold and cruel, but she watched Mrs. McArthur lace her fingers with Dr. McArthur’s.
Sierra looked at her own husband, who was all but leaning away from her. Who’d cut her out. Even when she’d asked what was wrong. Somehow Dr. McArthur and Mrs. McArthur leaned on each other better than she and her husband did.
Sierra felt sick.
“You may each bring up any concerns you have or suggestions before we lay out the way of it,” Dr. McArthur said, much like a teacher might outline an assignment in a classroom. “Jessica, you may go first as you’ve the least to process.”
“Jess. Her name is Jess.”
Sierra said it without thinking, realizing after that she hadn’t been the only one who’d said it. Lina and Cole had also echoed her sentiments, along with Jess herself. Jess who never corrected Dr. McArthur.
“My given name is Jess. It’s never been Jessica,” she said calmly, clearly.
Strong. Certain.
Sierra had never felt more weak or uncertain or out of place in her life, and by God that was saying something. Especially in these past few months of being married to Carter.
Dr. McArthur’s eyebrows drew together, confused lines digging around his mouth. “Then why did you allow me to call you Jessica for so long?”
“Because I was afraid to correct you.”
Dr. McArthur blinked. “Well, then I apologize. It won’t happen again. Please proceed with your concerns.”
Sierra felt as though she was shaking apart. Concerns. MS. Carter wasn’t even a McArthur, and he wouldn’t look at her. What was this? Some realistic nonsense dream?
“You shouldn’t dictate how we all have to handle the situation. We’re all very different people and will need to deal with things in different ways. Asking for our suggestions is a step, but you need to let us go our own ways too. And don’t ignore the fact that you owe us all apologies.”
Suggestions. Steps. Because it was clear Jess wasn’t surprised. She’d known too, at least some things. Cole had certainly been surprised about Carter not being Dr. McArthur’s, but he’d known about the MS thing.
Sierra had been completely in the dark. About all of it. The only one.
While Carter, her husband, had known it all. And he hadn’t told her any of it.
Because you don’t belong.
Yes, people got to deal differently with different situations, but they had to… They couldn’t… Sierra got to her feet, chair scraping as she scooted away. She couldn’t sit here and not lose it, and she’d be damned if the McArthurs, including her husband, got to see her lose it.
“I can’t listen to any more of this,” she said, her voice breaking as she bolted for the door. She turned down the hallway. Out of the corner of her eye she saw Carter stand, grim and angry, maybe as if he was going to come after her.
No. No. She couldn’t stand to talk to him right now. She would not listen to some lecture where he sounded just like his father. “Don’t you dare,” she said, voice shaking. “You knew and you didn’t tell me anything? Do not follow me.”
She stalked down the hallway, and the tears started to fall. She pushed out of the house, realizing she had no way to get home because Carter had the keys. She let out a full sob. She didn’t want to be anywhere near this place. She didn’t want them to see her fall apart, but she was failing at that.
Her husband had kept humongous, life-changing secrets from her. He hadn’t confided in her or trusted her. Maybe it was selfish to be hurt beyond comprehension when he’d been dealt a blow, but then she was selfish. It’s what the McArthurs thought anyway.
“Sierra.”
Jess’s voice was calm and as much as Sierra didn’t want anyone to see her this way, at least it was Jess. An outsider, like her.
“Can you give me a ride home?”
“Of course. I’m sorry this came as a surprise to you.”
“He lied to me.”
Jess gently touched her shoulder. “Once you have a chance to calm down a little and talk—”
Sierra shrugged the touch away jerkily. “He didn’t tell me. He didn’t want to. I asked what was wrong. Over and over. He let me think I was wrong. I thought he trusted me, confided in me. I thought he…” But all she could think was everything she’d thought she knew about Carter was something she’d dreamed up.
Maybe he was someone else entirely.
Or he’d just finally figured out she wasn’t worth the effort.